Let me tell you something...

...My first drafts include an awful lot of telling, and not a lot of showing. My first drafts are generally a lot shorter than they should be. My first drafts are rubbish. But you know what, that's ok. My subsequent drafts (for there will be many) will be rewritten so the telling becomes showing. This will add words. And make everything better. There are some things I can do quite well. I'm ok at dialogue (which is a skill, and I'm very lucky to have it). I've given my characters awesome names. I think I have an interesting story. I have some really bad habits. I change tenses as often as I change my socks and it is a massive struggle to keep a handle on it. I haven't found my main character's voice yet, so that keeps switching too. I'll be honest, that is really annoying me even though I know that I've got to write through it to find it...anyway, I'm ahead on my words for today. I want to hit 10,000 by the end of the day. I also want to make salted caramel brownies, which I'm going to do in a minute. So, writing and brownies. Good day? I hope so.

Day two in the NaNoWriMo house...

Right, I'm going to keep this quite short and sweet because I have other words I need to type, however, I thought it would be nice to check in and keep you up to date with how my NaNo is going. So I started yesterday, which was good on words (3668) and baaaad on quality. But I did set some scenes that will be interesting to revise, and learnt some things about my world, which was good. There was a fair bit of AND THEN THIS HAPPENS and THEN SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENS HERE BUT I'M NOT SURE WHAT EXACTLY which serves the purpose of shifting the story on whilst reminding myself of what I was thinking at the time. Today has been much better. I've written a good fight scene and am now up to 5008 words, which is a tenth of the way through! I'm aiming for 6000 by the end of today. Actually, I'm aiming for 6000 before I get in the shower...I definitely think that this NaNo is aided and abetted by the fact that I'm not really drinking, and that I'm still not back at work full time. Oh, and the fact that I have a plan and I know some bits and pieces about my characters. That is definitely helping. Fingers crossed I'll plough ahead with my word count. I'm aiming for a completed narrative by the end of November, like a giant 50,000 word plan which I can print and draw all over and then re-type from a nice blank page. Because this year, NaNo is all about the re-write. November is a vehicle, and no matter how difficult it seems, I know it is just the start of the hard work. How exciting!

We're going to need a bigger map...

So I'm busy planning my NaNo story. I've bought books. I'm researching. I'm exquisite corpsing like it's going out of fashion. I have a new folder to put it all in (one that matches the theme of my story, oh yes), I'm downloading pictures, I have a spreadsheet, a spreadsheet for crying out loud, with a list of characters and what they look like and their traits and everything. What is going on with me? I never do this! Ah, but yes, Bijou, perhaps this is always why you always write a massive jumble of word spaghetti that cannot be unravelled. Hmmmm... And do you know what I've discovered? Planning is fun. Figuring my shit out on paper and getting my craft on and prit-sticking the bejesus out of loads of grainy photos of stuff that looks like it might relate to my characters or time period into a carefully selected exercise book and making a visual aid and doing something with all the thoughts in my head is very satisfying indeed. It makes everything seem a bit more real. I don't feel like I'm guessing. Sure, I don't have everything figured out. I don't have a clue what my character's favourite colours are, or what they would choose for their last meal or even when their birthdays are, but I know what they look like, and how they'd act in certain situations and a fair bit of the reasons why they'd do that. I don't want to know everything. I figure I need to leave something for the wedding night and I'm worried that too much of a certain type of planning might kill the passion...but a bit of planning? Half a dozen pages of randomly constructed images to help inspire me when I'm stuck, pictures to describe, facts to refer to...that sounds like a plan to me.

Second - a bit about a writing (because that's why we're here, right?)

So I started a new writing course thing last night. I know, I'm forever going on them, I'm like a writing course addict. But this one seems especially good (I'll tell you why in a little minute). It's run by a lovely lady called Lisa who has a company called the Poetry Fold (check out her website here http://poetryfold.co.uk/). Anyway, one of the reasons why I really like her is because I was due to go on this course in April, and I couldn't attend the first session because I felt horrid and then by the time the second one rolled round I was in hospital. These courses always have some sort of no cancellation policy, especially last minute ones, so I was expecting to lose my money. But no! Lisa offered to keep a place on the next course for me, which was so lovely and at a time when it felt like everything was going wrong and I was feeling very sorry for myself it was just such a kind and unexpected gesture that it made me a little bit tearful. So that's reason one. Reason two is it's my day off today, and I've been up since 6.30 am (that's in the morning, folks, the morning) playing one of the games she taught us. I'll run through it with you, you might have heard of it. The name of the game is Exquisite Corpse and it's so easy and fun and useful that I can't believe I've never played it before. Anyhoo, you need a bit of paper with two columns. One on the left = adjectives, right = nouns. Write a massive list of nouns (about 20 is probably a good number but it's entirely up to you) then if you're playing with someone else fold the paper so they can't see the nouns and get them to write the adjectives. If you're playing with yourself as I am this morning, put the list of nouns away until you've forgotten about them (which will probably be about half an hour in my case) and then jump on the adjective wagon. I've chosen to make a table in word and type out my nouns so in a bit I'm going to print it and put it in a safe place and do the adjectives later, or give it to the husband to do my adjectives for me which might also be quite fun. We played this last night and some of them were hilarious, some interesting, some thought-provoking. My favourites were... * thin flatterer * fat moon * velvet path Anyway, it's fun and easy and you know it was a good game when I'm up before seven on my day off playing it. Oh yeah! I always think it's really interesting how random writing exercises can link to things I'm already writing/planning and thin flatterer is a fab description of one of my more tricky characters for my NaNo project, so I'm very pleased about that! If you want to play this game with me (and I recommend it if you're writing, totally) then let me know and we'll figure out the logistics of it...right, that's it from me. I'm off to make a cheese toastie for breakfast, because I'm underweight and that's how I roll...boom!

Less whinging, more writing

I'm having a small dilemma. Normally at about this time (or sometimes sooner) I have my idea for Nano (http://www.nanowrimo.org/). Ideas are not my problem. I have bucket-loads, and my idea for Nano this year is an absolute blinder. I love it. It is the Christmas Eve of ideas. My problem is, you see, I love it a bit too much and I want to write it immediately. Now, I can see all you normal people out there scratching your heads and thinking, just write it now then. This is a non-problem, quit your whinging and get typing. Hmmmm. Good point, duly noted. I guess the problem really is that I'm scared. Mostly of two things. Thing one; that when I go to write it my story loses some (all) of it's brilliance and turns into a great big pile of poo. This is ridiculous. I am (at worst) a competent writer. I can string a sentence together. I know the rules. I've knocked out some half decent short stories in my time. I can probably do this. Thing two; I have never ever ever managed to write more than twenty thousand consecutive words and not get bored with the whole business ever ever ever apart from during Nano. What if my wonder story (which is a trilogy in my head) doesn't make it past the 10k mark? So when you take thing one and add thing two you get a great big bowl of irrational fear. I know I'm being stupid, which kind of makes it worse. It's like when I'm in hospital and they can't get the needle for the IV in and I cry. It's stupid. It doesn't really hurt and I've done far worse things to myself on purpose (hello foot tattoo and nipple piercings) and I know that getting upset does no one any favours, but yet I can't stop it. I guess my question really is, then, do I start to write now because I really want to? Or do I wait until November when I think I have more chance of sticking with it? Decisions, decisions... (if you want to, you can read more about my award-winning ideas and gold-standard procrastination by going here http://winningwords.org.uk/blog/ where I have been moon-blogging)

stories at bedtime

So I've been reading my most recent story aloud, listening for hicups, killing my darlings. I've always heard people talk about reading aloud and how much it helps, etc, but I always poo pooed it, because, well, to put it simply, I can't be told. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I've now come round and am finding it most useful (point to note, other things I heard were great and ignored and then realised I loved are; Harry Potter, Kindles, sushi, red wine, Mslexia).

I'm quite pleased with my new story. Continuing current trends it's written in the second person, but it's quite a departure for me because it's historical and has a happy-ish ending. It's also super short, which I like, 712 words to be exact. This is part on purpose and part because that's how long the story is. I'm going to enter it in the Ruth Rendell competition (which you can find by following this link here http://www.interactreading.org/content/ruth-rendell-short-story-competition-20112012) and I'm actually quite chuffed with my bad self because although most of my stories are earmarked for certain comps, not that many of them actually make it. This one will because I'm literally at that last "take a comma out, put a comma in, delete half a sentence, change a word" stage of editing and if someone put a gun to my head, I could actually send it now. But I won't, I'm going to send it on Thursday, when I've been paid.

Other things that have made me happy this week are the fact that I've been mentioned in a blog as a resource for writers, which I didn't think I was and which made me feel oh so important. You can check out the blog here

http://talking-in-the-library.blogspot.com/

she's worth a follow, she really is.

And I think that's just about it for bijou-news. November is nearly upon us and I am super-duper excited for NaNo, and my Arvon course, both of which are almost here. I've built Arvon up to mythical proportions in my head, so am a little bit scared that I'll be disappointed, that nothing can be as good as it is in my imagination, where it plays out a little something like this: go and meet lots of lovely writers and be the most inspired I've ever been and live in a lovely bubble of candy coloured prose and short stories that flow like a big flowy thing, and get really constructive - hang on, I'll be honest since it's my head - really AWESOME feedback about how wonderful I am and then come home and continue being inspired and keep in contact with people I've met for continued honest and constructive feedback and end up finding an agent and getting published and binning the day job and living happily ever after.

Sigh.

Sometimes, it is a bit of a curse, this imagination malarky...

I've started, so I'll finish

Eeek, well my story is now published in Writers' Forum. It's really nice seeing something you've written in print, in an actual magazine which people actually pay for. Lovely, lovely, lovely.

In other news, I've found a home for my amazing title. It isn't for a story, but for a collection of stories (most of which are currently not in existence, or in some form of first draft limbo, or worse, incomplete first draft limbo). Anyway, I've formulated a plan. It goes a little something like this...

• finish all the stories I've started


• use NaNoWriMo to write more stories (I know it's technically a bit cheaty, but I figure that if I can write 50,000 words of short stories that I then look at and edit and do something with, it is better than writing 50,000 word of novel that is so jumbled and frightening that I don't know where to begin and therefore never look at it again)


• pull all this together into some semblence of order and send it off to New Writing North for their Northern Writers Awards


• send all stories off to competitions (with optional feedback) and make them the best they can be


• enter the collection in the Scott Prize for short stories

So, if I follow this plan it gives me about a year to do all this, which is do-able. I need to think about the stories as an all-together and not just as stories, but I've had some ideas on how I can do this, which is nice.

I've been reading a lot of short stories recently (helped in no small part by the fact that Salt Publishing are selling collections of stories for 86p for the Kindle. Yes, that's right, eighty-six-freaking-pence. It's all kinds of awesome). So I've been reading a lot of short stories and have realised something - I really need to up my game. Like, seriously. So imagine an appendix to plan A...

• practice, practice, practice


• don't be too scared to do brave things with my writing


• just be better, generally

One story that's stuck in my head is called Darling and it's by a lady called Padrika Tarrant and it's amazing. Absolutely make me feel a little bit sick with envy amazing. You should read it, it's very good.

Anyway, that's about it really. The husband has fixed it so I can now comment on my blog again, but the little icon where I can add a link and make it look like words has disappeared. I guess a girl can't have everything.

blogging from the bus (...or, pulling my socks up)

I nearly fell over about 5 times on the way to the bus this morning. Boring, I know, but I felt the need to share. Now I'm blogging from the bus, the number 56 to Gosforth in fact. It was late but so was I so it worked well. To combat snowy conditions I've been getting up and getting public transport early. In inclement weather its only bearable when its quiet.
In other news, I've taken baby footsteps towards the rewrite. I haven't read it yet but I have decided where I want the action to start, so I've started. I want a couple of pages to take to my group on Sat. I'm quite nervous, but excited. Eeek! I've also bought a book on character. I struggle somewhat with character and its been a featured comment in some of my short story feedback so I'm hoping the book will help. Its by Holly Lisle if anyone wants to google it, and from what I can see it says you don't need to know everything about them (good, I don't know everything about anyone, doesn't mean they're not real to me) and just cos someone has a funny hat or an interesting walk it doesn't make them a good character. Anyway, watch this space. I hope it works.

Right, must go. Time to iceskate.

F.E.A.R

Last week, I printed my NaNo story off. I nearly broke the printer (historically, I'm not good with silly things like printers and shredders), but, oh! how awesome it looks. It's a lot bigger than I thought it would be. It looks a lot more...booky than I thought it would. I bought a new folder especially and I've put it in there and I pick it up at least once a day and marvel at the weight of it.

However, I didn't print it just so I could oooh over it and congratulate myself. I printed it off so I could start to edit it. So I could begin what I imagine to be a very, very long process. So I can start to whip the opening chapters into shape for the Debut Dagger competition. I printed it off with very good intentions (not just to kill trees).

So what's stopping me? Well, I appear to have given myself the fear. Absolute, unmistakable, heavy hearted, want to take to my bed and lie in the dark fear. And for what? I've spent November knowing that it is rubbish. I've already established that I need to do character development, and that, in general, I'm better at re-writing than I am at writing. I've armed myself with new pens to write all over it. I have paper to write lists of plot holes, and research needed, and all the other stuff I know will need to be done. I'm ready for this re-write, but...I've also spent November thinking, maybe I'm on to something here? I have a half written synopsis where I haven't had to make it up as I go, it's all taken from the story. I have new scenes that I want to write. I think I'm just scared that if I start, my inner editor won't take kindly to a month of being exiled and will tell me it's rubbish. That the bad far, far outweighs any good that could ever come of it, that I was a fool to even think I could do this. Quite frankly, it scares the pants of me and makes me feel a little bit like crying.

Deep down I know that I should just get it over with, that its like being waxed or tattooed, a horrible thing that hurts loads but also only hurts for a very short time and then the end result is really worth it. So yes. I should start.

Or maybe I'll go and prepare the veg for dinner. And have a go at a short story. And drink some tea. Yes, definitely drink some tea. Perhaps tea will give me the courage I need to get this thing started, and once I've started, it won't be so bad...

hooray! hooray! hooray!

well I've won. I've written just under eight thousand words today and I am exhausted. I honestly feel like I could sleep for a week but, sadly, I can only sleep for one night before getting up early and battling through mountains of snow to get to work. sigh. next year, I'm going to book the whole of December off.

until then, I'm going to work on my synopsis and get my first couple of thousand words ready for the Debut Dagger. oh, and I've entered a little Writers and Artists Yearbook competition, which really helped me focus.

I think that now I'm going to turn my brain off, watch an X Factor/I'm a Celeb double bill, drink some peppermint tea and try not to think about my story (which might be impossible). tomorrow, I'm getting a hair do and then I'm going to attempt some printing, although I fear that at a hundred and eighty pages (I double space) the printer may self destruct...right, I'm over typing. my fingers hurt. I wish I could gloat more, but I'm just...too...tired...zzzzzzzzzz...

the Universe wants me to win NaNoWriMo...

...honestly, it does. I went to my paid-for-taken-by-a-real-writer writing group the other day, hoping to write something non Nanoey. We concentrated on scent. Kathleen gave us all a place to write about and mine was hospital. I'd known about the hospital scene in my story for about a week and a halF so ultimately, what I wrote was typed into the manuscript. I feel I can call it a manuscript now. Its over 32,000 words, over 100 pages (I double space, I can't write single spaced for more than a page, it makes me crazy).

So now, I have less than 18,000 words to go. My aim for Sunday is 40k. I'd like to finish by next weekend, that would be the dream. I've been worried that I don't have enough story but I think I do, even though it keeps going in different directions, and anyway, I read an interview in Writers News (which I can't decide whether I like or not) but this guy (child, he was a child) said that there was a point midway when he was just thinking "novella, novella, novella". I'm glad its not just me.

Right, I'm going to get up. I'm blogging from bed. Oh! The decadence! xx

goodbye, cruel world...hello, real one?

Sometimes, when I’m feeling especially lazy or my fingers are tired of typing, I will write on my blackberry and email it to myself. This also works if inspiration strikes on the bus (and its too wobbly to get my notebook out). The other night, I was particularly inspired to write quite a morbid letter from one character to another. At the time, I thought it was a suicide note (turns out its not) but the content is very “woe is me” very “goodbye cruel world” etc etc. So, anyway, I sent it on to my bijou email address and…it didn’t arrive. Turns out, there is a problem with emailing bijou from blackberry but that’s a different (and probably very, very boring) story. But it got me thinking. What if it hadn’t been a technical glitch in the land of emails and computer voodoo? What if I’d sent it to the wrong address? What if some poor, unsuspecting bijou version 2.0 had received the most miserable of goodbye letters, and not known that it was part of a story? How strange and creepy would that be?


In other news, I’m just about breaking even on NaNo, but an exciting thing happened to me at lunchtime. I was typing away, describing the village where the action takes place (which is loosely based on the village I grew up in because that’s easier, but this one is in a valley and surrounded by woods because, rumour has it, that is the best place to hide a roving gun man) and all of a sudden, it started to look very real in my head. In addition to this, one of my characters has an accent and I can hear it when I think about him. It hasn’t happened for all of them yet (and I wonder whether it will) but this is all very exciting. It makes me think that perhaps this story is the one that I will like enough to re-write, that perhaps this is the first thing I’ll ever really finish…either way, its all very exciting.

Day Eight...

...and I'm floundering. It was going so well. So, so well that I spent most of last week telling myself that it wouldn't last (whilst secretly hoping that it would). I wrote a lot, but more than that, I really felt like I knew where I was going. It felt like after every bit that I finished, the next bit would just pop into my head, and it was easy, and it was fun.

Now, I feel a little bit overwhelmed by it. I have 12036 words. This is a lot of words for me. Normally, I create my worlds in less than 3000, so I've got 4 times that and I know there is more to tell. I just feel like I'm losing it.

I have, however, learnt a lot from last year. Last year I took the whole no editing thing a bit too literally. I didn't even spell check, which meant that when I went to edit it, it was so messy I was disadvantaged from the start. This year, I've been spell checking. I have flashcards with my characters on them, and others with locations. I've been making a list of questions I need to research later. I just need to reclaim my confidence and take my story back.

So what if I've missed a day (Sunday) and the words I wrote on Saturday were pretty much just a big list. I tell more than I show in my first drafts, I know this. And so what if my characters aren't fully formed? I know I have too many characters, some of them will die (literally) and some of them will be written out, or amalgamated with others. I'm not going to know which ones are the most interesting and the best fun until later. The first draft will be like the first few dates, the re-draft is where the relationship begins. And so what if the chronology is all out of whack? I need to know what happens first and then I can worry about putting it in order.

Ok, so this is actually quite cathartic, writing it all down. Writing a novel in 30 days was never going to be easy. Writing a novel which retains some semblence of structure and sense was going to be harder still, but really, everything worth doing is difficult. And the Universe wants me to write this story. I read somewhere once that you have to learn how to read the signs in your life, and last week, my friend told me a story about how the police wouldn't let her boyfriend go back to his flat because there was a man with a gun in Percy Main (they don't just not let you back home, they check that you have somewhere to go and give you a number to call for updates. Oh, and they don't tell you it's because of a man with a gun unless they have to). Then, there was a link on BBC News website (I'm terrible for reading the news when I should be working) which was an article about gun laws and how incidents like the Whitehaven shootings could happen, and lastly, I received a Celebrity Death Beep informing me that Hall of Fame manger Sparky Anderson had died.

To put this in context...my story is called Sparky's War and is about a man who goes postal and starts shooting in his village.  Coincidence? Hmmmm.

Anyway, so I think what I'll do tomorrow is work through chapter by chapter making notes of who is where and what they're doing. I can make sure I complete the story arcs, and I won't forget where people are. And I can write on and finish the little stories that I've started, and they can all knit together and become a first draft. That sounds like a plan...right...I'll get on it (tomorrow).

Day One and...

...it's going well. So far (watch this space for future meltdowns)

Plus...check me out!

http://winningwords.wordpress.com/

how exciting!

panic stations ready?

Oh God. I've lost the ability to write. A Halloween theme for our writing session today and I just couldn't get started.

Was it because I was hungry? Was it because I needed a poo? Or was it because I'm a horrible writer, destined only for failure?

So I went and did the only logical thing a person in my position could do. I tootled off to Paperchase and bought myself this...

Surely only wonderful things can be written in a notebok so beautiful. It can't fail.

technology is a wonderful thing

I have a shiny new phone. It's very beautiful. And very shiny. And it's enabling me to (wait for it) blog from bed. Yes that's right kids. I'm not even up yet. I don't even have my glasses on. I'm lying in the dark, blogging.

Wowsers. This may revolutionise my blogging habits (for a fortnight, at least). I'm officially in love with my phone. Although the sim card doesn't work yet, and the sim in my old phone has stopped working, meh, a small point. I've managed to get on the home wifi and can access YouTube, which is all that matters.

In other news, I'm starting to get a major (MAJOR) pre-NaNo panic on. I've reset my spreadsheet for 50,000. I think that's enough. I think any more would be heart attack inducing and I'd quite like to live to see 31. I think I should have planned more and I need a name for one of my main characters. So far she has been Linda, MJ and Avis and none of them fit. I'm sure it'll come...I hope so.

Anyway, I'm off to lie quietly for another few minutes before I have to get up. God, I love this phone.

a tidy study is the key to...well...EVERYTHING

I spent all day yesterday tidying the study. Not just tidying. Re-arranging. Totally. I dragged everything out, hell, I even dusted. It's been on my weekend to-do list since, like, May. I'm happy I've got it done. I feel serene now. Look, look at how beautiful it is...

It's a lot bigger than it was before I moved all the crap out of it. And there is a bookcase (and a box of crap) that you can't see. And I had to get creative, my study has the novelty of being en suite, so I've used the space quite cleverly...

I feel now like I'm ready, I've tidied the study, I've re-jigged my spreadsheet, it's set for 75,000 words, which is 2500 words a day, (yes, I know NaNo is only 50,000 but that I did that last year so want to push myself a bit more. So 75,000 is my personal goal, with 50,000 being an incredibly acceptable alternative if I realise halfway through that I'm mental which is probable, apparently I was horrendous during NaNo last year, thanks for sharing baby, I love you too). So anyway, I'm fighting fit, I'm ready and prepared, my study is waiting for me...so it's only natural that I've spent all day avoiding the study. Well, I wouldn't want to mess it up before November 1st, would I?

a little bit of tweaking...

So I told you that I’d pre-paid for a competition so I would have to enter, right? Well, as I pre-paid, I selected which story I was going to enter. It was “strongly considered” for last year’s Aesthetica competition, re-entered in this year’s Mslexia competition and as far as I could see, pretty much good to go, right?
Wrong.

I’ve just undergone the short story equivalent of thinking you’ll perhaps clear out your jewellery box and before you know it, you’ve emptied all your drawers, pulled everything out from under the bed and are sat in the middle of your room surrounded by piles of crap you haven’t had a use for since 2002.
A full-on accidental re-write, but oh! how I feel so much better for it. I’ve also given myself the luxury of time (it isn't due in until the end of June), so I can now leave it til next weekend and hopefully when I look at it again any faults will pop out at me, easily fixable, so I can then send it off.
I've also (finally) fixed the last lines of my story for the Waterstones Perfectly Formed competition and have just emailed that off. Over the last few days, I've had the inklings of another (longer) story, and the title has just come to me, as have the characters names so I'm going to start off by making some notes and see where that takes me. Originally, I thought it would be my NaNo story this year, but I need to start making notes now before I forget so if I play by NaNo rules, I can't technically start it yet...hmmmm...I think I will just have to see what happens. Its likely that I'll put it away and not look at it again until November anyway, so it might not technically be cheating...

Anyway, must go. The sunshine is glorious but I'm sat at the kitchen table being dedicated to my art. Go me.

winning is oh so very, very sweet, like a lovely cake

hello!

well, I did it. I absolutely really truly totally did it. I wrote 50, 660 words in November and won NaNo!!!!!! I actually won on Saturday after a nice little write in with my new friend Mariley (a crazy Cuban, she's super-fun) and I am very, very pleased with myself. its been a great personal achievement, and...yes. I'm very happy. so on Sunday I started the re-write, and I want 100,000 words by the end of December. this is going to be quite tricky, because (and this is the catch kids) I want those words to be good. not brilliant, not outstanding (that's January's job) but good. and bearing in mind that quite a few of those original 50,660 words can be officially classified as not very good, well, lets be honest, not even a little bit good, its a pretty tall order. so not only do I want to write the same amount again, but I am also going to have to delete quite a few of the pre-existing words. eeek!!! can I do it? I hope so. I like setting deadlines for myself, and I figure, if I can do it in November, there is absolutely no reason why I can't do it in December.

right, must dash and get writing. I got into work for 7am this morning and wrote for an hour before I started work, then I did 2 hours overtime after work (speaking to actual customers, which I haven't really done since I escaped from civil service HELL, it was ok but I'd forgotten quite how mental the general public could be but hey ho. Vegas won't pay for itself, I wish it would) anyway, I'm pretty tired but I need to do some work on the story. if I go in tomorrow morning and know that I have to write 1000 words about "X" I will probably be able to do it. if I go in and know that I have to write 1000 words, I will probably sit there and read the news and go on ebay. so I must get on.

bye! xx

ps I've noticed that my counter is clocking up "hits" nicely - now, unless you are the boyfriend and the lovely Cally coming on here eight times a day, who are you? stranger dangers please step up and introduce yourself (either that or my counter is broken)

blah blah blah

So I’m just coming into my last week of NaNo and am currently ahead of the game on 43000. And I’m rocketing between finding it quite easy, and finding it very difficult indeed.
One thing is for sure, I am obsessed with my word count. It can’t be healthy. But I’m fast approaching land, the end is in sight, yada yada yada.
What I hadn’t expected from my marathon word sprint is how physically exhausting it would be. My shoulders ache, I’m absolutely shattered, my ring finger on my left hand no longer co-operates and won’t hit the keys like it used to, my bones seem to be cracking more than they did in October.
On the plus side, my confidence has improved, although I am only a third of the word length of what will be my finished manuscript, it suddenly seems that much closer. Instead of talking myself out of writing, I am talking myself into it, and my previous mental see-saw that had self doubt being the fat kid on one end with skinny little self confidence way up high on the other, now sees self confidence eating cakes whilst his frenemy is on some sort of horrid cabbage soup diet.

I’m still having my moments, of course I am, but I'm getting better, which is great.

I’ve also realised that I am not the kind of writer that sits down and writes a story. I am in awe of anyone who can write a novel in one go (and that’s where I’ve gone wrong in the past, I’ve expected to sit down and write 200 consecutive pages of winning prose – impossible!) I write a massive great big mess that is a tangle of words. I don’t know how it will end or how everything will tie together, and I’m note even sure if it’s the story that I started with, but I will get there by next weekend, for sure. At 40,000 words I figured out the motivation for my murderer, but I had to write through those words in order to find it, it wasn’t just going to be there for the taking at the start, that would be too easy. And yes, there are lots of bits that don’t fit together now, but they will. I have a feeling that my re-write is going to use up a lot of post-it notes, and I don’t think I have enough wall space in the study for a time-line, but I hope that I will have enough space in the hall…

My other realisation is that it hasn’t been an impossible task. I mean, yes, there have been days (like today!!) when I haven’t wanted to write, and yes, there have been days when I haven’t written and have had to play catch-up, but if I had written for all of those days, and if all weekends had been as productive as last weekend, then I could have written an awful lot more. I’ve definitely come to the conclusion that I don’t suffer from writers block, as I conveniently thought for the last eight years, but instead I am just incredibly lazy. Next NaNo, I’m going to set myself a higher target, and I’m excited about it already.

The other thing I am excited about is reaching the end, and then doing something else. Like reading a book. I haven’t read anything this month, and I’m starting to miss it. And I want to work on some short stories. I finally sent one off to Fiction Feast today, which has only taken me about three weeks from actually having it finished but hey ho, I told you I was lazy.

Right, anyway, I’m off. I need to make the sandwiches for tomorrow, go and talk to the boyfriend if he hasn’t fallen asleep on the sofa (unlikely, he always falls asleep on the sofa, and he’s watching the match so I think sleep is like an inner defence mechanism so as not to feel embarrassment at poor play or silly yellow away shirts) and then I need to do some more procrastinating through the medium of watching I’m a Celebrity. I’m so pleased Joe is finally doing a task, I hope it makes him cry. Byeeeee!!! xx